Wednesday, March 21, 2012

The Futility of it All

The past few weeks have been ones that have left me wondering about the futility of my constant whining and cribbing, and it has led me to a kind of an awakening that those little moments in Life matter the most, that everything must and will come to an end. That is for the best. That is because you have to let go, move on and see life and its bigger picture.

My whining and cribbing was so so trivial, now when I come to think of it.. Boss being a nuisance, work not happening, Lack of time to do stuff, Friends far away, too much heat and humidity, Dad's constant talks about marriage, whether GMAT id better or CAT is, why someone called and why they didn' on and so forth.

An unexpected illness in the family, the sudden death of a close one, the tragedy of an acquaintance and a phone call from a friend..that's what it took me to stop fantasizing about how sorry my life is and begin to realize that i should probably thank my stars for being in such a comfortable a position as I am now.

One moment your having lunch with someone, next moment they're gone. You were not there with them when you should have, when you could have. And you regret it all your life. But, you learn to move on, your hectic schedule allows you to put that somewhere behind closed doors conveniently. Maybe that is what is called healing. Maybe that's the brains way to keep you sane and not lose it.

Its crazy how you think getting a 100 percentile in CAT is the most important thing in your life, and, out of the blue, you come to know to know that the nagging pain you were having in your head from so long is a tumor pressing on your optic nerve, which means your going to lose your eyesight and never regain it fully again. And suddenly, just suddenly, you realize the meaning of those small things in life you overlooked, you chose to ignore completely because that were too insignificant.

All your life you have been raised in a protective family, your parents have given you everything you wanted, sent you to the best school in the city, the best college in the country..only to tell you that as soon as you finish your degree you should get ready to get married and you do not have a choice to say no because you're a girl! And then, at that moment, all the dreams you had, all the sand castles you'd built, come crashing down and you begin to question the whole purpose of you being told that there is "no difference b/w a girl and a boy these days". If they don't understand, who will??

Life is too short and too volatile for not telling somebody how much you love them, not showing them how much you care.. Be it your parents, your friends, your spouse/beau...especially your parents. It is important to let people know that they are loved and they are important in your life. It does make that their life ..and yours.

This post is a result of all the things happening around now, with people I'm quite close to and that's what made me retrospect about so many things in life. The little moments we miss out on..the things we should have done...

Life sure has a strange way of teaching us things..and making us sit upright and rethink everything we've thought of all this while..'coz as it turns out, it was all a waste,futile..and you get up the next morning with a sense of achieving everything that now seems more important, even making that phone call to your Mum and Dad and telling them that you are going to be there for them, even if they know it, and you will know, as you hang up that you have made their day

The realization dawns on us..
we falter and learn..
And as they say..
Life goes on...

Thursday, February 23, 2012

If Wishes were Horses...

Things i wish I could do....right now:

Scream at the top of my voice. Watch Rang De Basanti in the quadrangle of College at 10pm in the night. See firecrackers burst out into brilliant colors in the night sky while the waves of the mighty Arabian Sea curl up against your feet in Goa, as the world celebrates Diwali. Shout abuses in Hindi and walk away afterwards casually as if nothing was ever said. Learn Tamil and talk to Auto Wallas in a commanding tone. Eat Khichdi every Saturday.

Go back home and never come back. Sit with Papa and watch Cricket matches and pray for India to win every game they play. Stand in the kitchen and watch Ma cook up the most amazing food I could ever eat. Study Biology with all the enthusiasm in the world. Cook Maggi in the electrical kettle in Hostel at 12 in the night. Call up a friend and discuss about how batch mates are getting engaged and married.

Watch a horror movie with friends in the train. Wait at the college Campus store to catch a glimpse of that cute guy who is inside buying EG Sheets. Dance like no one's watching. Get wet in the rain and curse it afterwards.Sit on the hostel footpath and gossip for hours on an end with friends. Buy Coffee for the guy every night from Fresh n Honest.

Cry my heart out. Talk to God and ask him what he wants me to do now.

Eat Chicken Biryani and forget about all the worries of the world. Sing songs loudly. Laugh like a mad woman. Drive a Car on the empty streets of Ranchi. Take a bike ride, to some place far far away. Buy all the books in the world and build a libraray. Give up my job so I can read all these books for the rest of my life.

Win a lottery. Go on a cruise. Watch the "Aurora Borealis" in Norway. Meet Sachin and Hrithik Roshan. Get married. Watch a U2 Concert. Love someone deeply...... Be contented.

In no particular order.

Sunday, January 22, 2012

Sab badal gya Acahanak!!!

Feb 19, 2009...

2 loong years since I updated my blog!! That is a freaking long time...even if I start giving excuses to myself as to why I stopped writing, I'd probably run out of words in English and Tamil( now that Chennai is my humble abode!!)

So...I missed blogging. I mean I missed writing, even though I constantly used to follow all the lovely blogs out there. And what changed since the last time I wrote a blog post...??? Well, now that's what this one's all about.

So much has changed that it seems like I'v already lived two-three lives..died a few times..had a near-death experience some more number of times and finally been re-born again in this unbelievably cruel yet fascinating world!! The biggest change of them all was College getting over :(. Four glorious years of carefree, young, crazy and brilliantly awesome moments..was gone.. and it was painful to part with that place that will always be my Home-Away-from-Home. Manipal shall always be remembered and cherished in the deepest, most special corner of my heart :)

What else happened..?? I got a job..a fairly good one..So, I'm an 'Application Design Specialist" now..(layman terms me Lighting Designer!! Got posted in Chennai, came here with a narrow, typical North-Indian mentality wanting to hate this place..but realized that all food here is NOT cooked in Coconut oil (that's Kerala i believe!!) and the Auto-walas are as notorious as anywhere in the country and It's not always hot!! I mean, December is quite pleasant, and January is actually cool!! and that you get the most amazing Biryanis all over the city.. and its ultimately the People who make a place worth living and liking.. (Yes, i like Chennai and more on Chennai some other time!).

Getting a job, implies I started earning!! and Boy-O-Boy!! That feeling of getting your first salary ever gave me the biggest high for days :) And spending that on buying stuff for Mom, Dad and getting a tattoo finally....enough Endorphins to last a lifetime :)

Made an official trip to Hong Kong, had one hell of an experience to know classmates turned colleagues better..had a blast in Mumbai during my training there.. discovered my love for Mumbai and Marine Drive :) and realized thta "sales" was not my cup of tea!!

Also, fell in love..the "real" kind!! Asked someone out, got rejected, persisted and finally heard those magical words said back to me!! Lived some of the best moments of my life with him. Went from the initial high to the gradual lows..fought, made-up,spoke,heard,was made to feel special,tried to be there whenever I could,had arguments that went no where, heard things I did'nt agree with, tried making it work, It did'nt..and Life moved on :) Being in love was one of the best feelings I ever had and even though i wish it hadn't ended, It will also stay with me in some other tiny corner of my heart :)

Anyway, life has caught on a different pace now and everything has changed. More posts to follow on how, why, when and where do i go with these changes. For the time being, it feels good to be back on Blogger!! Writing my heart out-now thats something I really missed doing!!

Thursday, February 19, 2009

Random Ramblings

In life..we hurt them the most,whom we love the most..
We fight..with whom we expect the most..
We smile with tears in our eyes and pain in our hearts when people who matter to us hurt us and then ask for forgiveness..
We think the most about those whom we badly want to forget..
After talking to the one we love the most over the phone..the moment we disconnect the call,we realize we forgot one important thing to say.....

Thats how all of us live life... So,cherish the people who matter to you in life...hold on to the moments that bring a smile to your face..and live every minute of your life as if its the last...

I have been off the blogging circuit from a reeely long time now..Loads of reasons for it..Partly,because I wasnt well,partly because I had my exams(yet again!!) and partly because there was sooo much happening all around me that I hardly had time to breathe...!! Anyways,now that Im back to blogging,I have lotsa things to write about..will do that soon..till then Happy blogging!!

Monday, January 26, 2009


"Good evening,How are you?"
"Fine,thank you", were the only words we exchanged.
Then,side by side,we started walking.....feeling uneasy. Both were aware of the uncomfortable silence... We stopped,smiled...awkwardly... apologetically... blushed red... groped for words. But to no avail.
With beads of perspiration on our heads...
We walked on and on self-consciously......

Just something I wrote long back..this has been really close to my heart....

Wednesday, January 21, 2009


I turned 21 last! 21..!! I realized how "old" i had become when my friend came up to me the other day and told me that he would never ever send anyone who's 21 a friends request on orkut!! (I mean i know he's a guy...and a jerk for saying something like that..but yeah..I kinda realized that was true..!) Anyways,to think of it..I had a really nice '21st' birthday... My roommate and my friends made sure that as soon as the clock struck 12,the entire hostel came to know that its my birthday..!! They went mad,shouting and singing "happy birthday to you...." in the weirdest tunes possible..! Out came the cake with (*sigh*) 21 candles on it,which I proudly blew off all at once...and then....there was WAR....!! I was running everywhere for in one hand..trying to save myself from the onslaught of cake from all sides!! My friends made sure that there was cake all over me and the corridor before they started throwing water at me....!!(i know it sounds really kiddish..but we were actually throwing ice-cold water on each other and giggling like idiots in the middle of the night..!!) when finally our matron came and scolded us for the noise we were creating...So,forced to face reality..I got back to my room,attended a few more calls..and then helped everyone in cleaning up the mess we had created..I can tell you it was a sight to see my friends actually carrying brooms and mops and wiping the floor clean,while I was busy splashing water all around the corridor to help them... :D :D :D A bath at 1.30 at night ended those birthday celebrations..for the moment..
I had a full-day off on 17th so woke up late..and then went off for lunch.And then,my friends gave me a nice little surprise as a birthday of them had actually preaped a PPT for my birthday with all my photos and comments alongside...And it was even more special 'coz I was least expecting it from him...!! Anyways,with all that done,it was time for the actual "party".. had a good time at dinner,me and my closest pals here spent time together after really long,it felt really nice..but the icing on the cake was yet to come.. I was returning from dinner when another classmate(actually he'sne of the people I'v come to kno recently,and we gel along really well..) called me up to wish me and asked me to wait for him outside the hostel 'coz he was coming to meet me... So,I was waiting..and then there he comes...asks me what gift I want for my birthday,,and when I jokingly said I wanted a ride on his bike..he agrees!!! Man! He actually took me for a ride on his bike,treated me to an appy-fizz..scared me to death by performing all kinds of antics in the middle of he road...but absolutely made my day!! I was delighted....
I couldn't have asked for a better ending for my birthday....!!!
I was really overwhelmed by the numerous wishes i got that people I was least expecting,and the efforts my friends made to make the day so very special... :) :)
So,turning 21 turned out to be fun....and anyways,I dont feel 21..dont look 21(people say so..!!)and ..well..heck! who cares for age.... I think I'm ready to face 22 as well!!
But for now,I'm just taking in the feeling of growing "old"... ;) ;) and well,for the record,I'M LOVING IT!!

Friday, January 16, 2009


So,I'm back to college.... Its back to attending classes,catching up with friends,listening to new stories about almost everyone at college,trying to remember the names of the subjects we are being taught(*heehee*)...and hoping that this semester will be a much better one than the last.
And also,it happens to mbe my birthday tomorrow..and I'm having a sinking feeling about it.....I have no clue as to why......
I know this is turning out to be a super crappy post..but thats how Im feeling at this moment-crappy.......
Apologies for all this nonsense,will come up with a "normal"post in a some time......